Let's say you sell crack and are looking for a domain name to advertise your crack on.
Now, www.crack.com would be nice. Unfortunately it's already taken -- by a software company. Go figure.
The obvious next choice would be www.crackdealer.com. But since it's so obvious, it's probably taken by now anyway. (It is.)
One of the most difficult parts of putting your business online is finding the right domain name. When your operation is a late-comer to the Internet, often your favorite choices for a name are all already taken. This leaves many people wondering what they can do in order to have a meaningful domain name that not only indicates what they sell but also how they do business.
So here I have given you a list of your best possible choices. Remember that a domain name says a lot about your organization and the way you do business. To tell which of these names is best for you, I've given you suggestions on what sort of site your users will expect for each name.
www.crackhouse.com
For this one, you will have to make an inviting web page that says to the
customer "Come on in and smoke some crack with us." Gimmicks would include
a "crack den" page, a cot room page, and a bathroom page -- this last
one for getting sick in, and of course for dumping your inventory if the
cops show up.
www.crackseller.com
This would have to advertise your services as a wholesale seller of
crack. "Avoid the middleman, buy crack direct through us." This is a low
maintenance site, because the discount store web page looks just as bad as
a discount store would. Really bad artwork, bad design, no-frills
presentation. You can even forego actual pictures of the crack you are
selling.
www.cracksales.com
Similar to cracksellers.com, though you have to add a bit of
used-car-dealer glitz to the page. The page has to look like you actually
hired someone, once, to design the page, and since then you've had a
braindead high schooler off the street add things to the site for
you. Finding a braindead high schooler should be no problem for you in
this market (hint: try your clientele). Another hint: no pictures of
you. The joke "would you buy used crack from this man" is too easy to
make.
www.crack4sale.com
This is the other extreme of the cheaply done crack site. It does require
at least one large picture of your product, and/or preferably, excessive
use of one small picture of your product. (Note, this doesn't have to
actually be of _your_ product, just something that _looks_ like your
product, or even, what your product possibly _could_ look like.) This site
also requires the repetitive use of small, 8-bit color, animated gifs that
say things like "Cheap!" "New!" "Get High Now!", preferably in the shape
of unnaturally ovoid starbursts.
www.wesellcrack.com
This is the obnoxious, tongue-in-cheek site. Be careful with this, because
visitors might not actually believe you sell crack, even though your
domain says you do. No one trusts the direct approach, especially
when it comes to crack. It's the sort of name a narc might register to
lure junkies. You will have to have one large and a few small disclaimers
that say things like "Yes, we sell crack!" (or even hype up the
domain name itself with "It's true, WeSellCrack (tm)!") and "This is not a
drug sting. We are not members of law enforcement agencies. We really do
sell crack."
www.crackhere.com
Avoid this one, unless you can make it look real professional, and provide
some automated purchasing system by which visitors can easily buy
crack. One-click-crack is what you're going to need. Otherwise people will
feel misled and think you were trying to defraud them by making them think
you had crack ON your web page. And then they won't buy _any_ crack from
you, out of spite. Make sure you divide the words when reusing the
domain
name throughout the site. Put it on two lines so it looks more imposing,
which you can do easily because the number of letters are so close. In
fact, make the HERE part bigger. And have lots of pages explaining who you
are, why you sell crack, and why people should buy "crack here".
www.getcrack.com
This is pretty much the same as www.crackhere.com, except it can be less
professionally done, and doesn't require the one-click-crack service, but
_does_ need a web form by which people can either buy crack, or at least
sign up to get an email price quote on a certain amount of crack. A
monthly contest for a free 0.2g rock of crack would help too.
www.crackemporium.com
This is where we start getting into the more serious crack selling
site. If you want to have a Crack Emporium, you need to do at least two of
three things: 1. offer more than one type of crack, 2. offer crack as well
as a moderate range of other drugs ("available by special request" or
"on back-order" is acceptable), 3. offer things that go well with crack,
such as guns, hoes, ratty blankets, old Chevys, etc. And of course, you
_have_ to sell crack paraphernalia. Not just simple glass crackpipes, but
vials and baggies too. Clever, trendy crack carrying cases would be a big
plus. And it has to be done professionally, and maintained professionally
-- and always with new items to sell. After a while of this, you don't
even have to sell crack anymore.
www.crackwhore.com
You will need to hire a model for this one. A pretty one would be nice,
but an ugly, burnt-out one works just as well. Place her picture around
the page with dialogue balloons saying things like "I always get my crack
from (your name here)!" and "Do you love crack as much as I do? Look no
further!" This person is, of course, the CrackWhore (tm). With this
gimmick alone, a site with this domain name can follow nearly any of the
above designs. Note, if you go with the Crack Emporium design, keep
her images small, unintrusive, and more sparse.
www.crack.com: Software company Crack Dot Com (now defunct), makers of the
space shooter PC game Abuse.
www.crackdealer.com: Email forwarding service run by Jim Drewry of NY
www.crack4sale.com: Possibly owned by domainmonger Eric Moss of IL
www.crackforsale.com: owned by R. Diaz of TX (unused)
www.crackwhore.com: Quake 3 clan "Clan Crackwhore"
www.crackwhores.com: Porn site from Select Entertainment of PA (featuring
strung-out women, of course)